Dear Diary
by Sparrabeth
Summary: Takes place after Damon and Elena's road trip to Denver. Elena writes in her journal, spilling her deepest feelings about Damon. What happens when Damon pays a little visit to Elena's room?
1. I Messed Up

_Dear Diary,_

_Well, I messed up. I messed up really bad. It was very, very wrong—I know it was, but my question is: how can something so wrong feel so right? I kissed Damon. Yes, Damon Salvatore, the Salvatore that isn't Stefan Salvatore. If I think really hard about it, I can almost justify my actions. I mean, Stefan did send us on that road trip to Denver to settle our "feelings." And honestly, Diary, that kiss made me feel more alive than I've ever felt before._

_I know that I can't string along both brothers for my own selfish needs—that wouldn't make me any better than Katherine, but the decision is so hard. Stefan provides safety, security; whereas, Damon provides passion, fun._

Elena Gilbert sighed and put aside her pen and journal. She leaned her head back against the wall and thought back to her kiss with Damon, the way her skin went alight with a burning ferocity that she'd never experienced before. He really knew how to touch her, how to hold her. A small smile crept across her face as the ghostly memory of his lips exploring her neck and mouth resurfaced.

"What's this?" A voice sounded across the room. Elena jumped and opened her eyes; before her stood Damon. He was leaning nonchalantly against the door frame; a smug smile painted his cheeks as he flipped through her journal. _Vampire speed is the bane of my _existence, Elena thought.

"Damon, put it down," Elena said seriously.

"Make me," Damon said, his eyes lifting up smugly to meet hers. When she didn't make a move towards him he raised his eyebrows and returned to his reading, "Dear Diary…" Damon began reading out loud. Elena grabbed a pillow off her bed and threw it at his head, but he ducked out of the way just in time, "Damon can be such an ass." He raised his eyes to meet hers once again.

"Ouch," Damon joked. Elena sighed a little in relief knowing that he was reading an old entry. She remembered writing the one he's reading—she went on to talk about how great things were with Stefan. _Good, _Elena thought, _maybe that will keep him in check._

"Damon, do I have to have the 'invasion of privacy' talk with you?" Elena asked.

"Honestly, Elena, you don't have to talk at all…this diary is telling me everything," Damon flipped to a new entry.

"You are one-hundred and sixty-something years old, stop acting like a five year old," Elena demanded. Damon rolled his eyes and did his typical half-smile.

"Dear Diary," Damon began again, "Well, I messed up. I messed up really bad. It was very, very wrong—I know it was, but my question is: how can something so wrong feel so right?" Elena's heart jumped to her throat at the sound of the dreadful words that she just wrote. She ran across the room and tried to rip the journal from his hands, but he was faster. He moved the book up and out of her reach so he could keep reading.

"Give it back, now!" Elena demanded, jumping a couple times in an attempt to get her diary.

"Why would I give it back _now?_" Damon asked, "This is obviously the most juicy entry." Elena put her hands on his chest, feeling his muscles underneath his black shirt and pushed him up against the wall.

"Give. It. Back." Elena enunciated every word clearly, hoping desperately that her voice would not give away the butterflies that she had from being so close to him. He ignored her.

"I kissed Damon," Damon read aloud, he stopped his joking at those words and looked down at Elena with shock. Elena took the opportunity and wrenched the journal from his hands. She threw it across the room in fury. When she looked back at Damon she was startled by how close he was to her. His lips were drifting right above hers and Elena's pulse quickened—_something that Damon would undoubtedly hear_, Elena thought.

"How much of that entry did you get through?" Elena asked, her voice shaking with desire and guilt.

"Not enough," Damon whispered.

She felt his breath on her face; it smelt of bourbon. Elena wasn't sure she had it in her to resist his presence; she felt as though she had no control over her body. That proved to be true when she noticed her hands sneak up his chest and onto his shoulders. Damon smiled quickly at her movement before returning to his normal façade. He snuck his arms around her waist and pulled her so their bodies were braced against each other.

"You need to leave," Elena whispered, but her actions showed otherwise. She put her hands on his neck.

"Humph…" Damon scoffed knowingly, "Why?"

"You know why," Elena said. She wasn't ready to say the reason out loud yet.

"Tell me anyway," Damon pushed further.

He slipped his hands under her shirt so his fingertips were brushing against the bare skin of her back. Elena's breath caught in her throat and she raised one hand to rest on his cheek.

Her doe brown eyes met his icy blue eyes. Sometimes she hated looking into his eyes because all she would see was the pain of his past, the decay that all the blood on his hands had taken on his psyche. Yet, sometimes she loved looking into them because she would see adventure, danger, and best of all, love. This was one of those times.

"Because you're my weakness, Damon," Elena admitted. That was not the answer that he was searching for, but it was good enough. He closed the gap between their lips and Elena melted under the touch. A fire began burning within her, consuming her as she moved her lips to match his expert kisses. She ran her hands down his torso, tracing his chiseled abs with her fingertips. Damon turned her around in a blur. Next thing she knew, she was pinned against the wall. Elena jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist.

Downstairs, Damon heard the front door open and soft voices drifted up to Elena's room. He knew that Caroline, Bonnie, Matt, and Jeremy were all back from the store for a movie night to celebrate Jer's return to Mystic Falls. This did not stop their kisses though; Elena was too consumed with Damon to notice the return of her friends.

Elena ground her hips against Damon's waist as footsteps sounded on the stairs. Damon knew they were coming up, but he didn't care; he cupped her bottom to hold her up as he kissed down her neck to her cleavage.

Just then, Caroline gasped loudly at the sight of Damon and Elena.

"Oh my _God_," Caroline exclaimed shaking Elena out of her trance. She jumped down from Damon and he stepped back a couple strides. Matt, Caroline, and Bonnie looked upon the two with surprise as Jeremy ascended the stairs. He stopped and noticed the look of terror on his friends' faces, and then he saw Elena and Damon in Elena's room and sighed audibly.

"Were they making out again?" Jeremy grunted. Elena looked down with a guilty smile as Bonnie nodded her head slowly in shock.

"Well," Damon said, clearing his throat, "That's my cue to leave." He began walking towards the stairs. Once he brushed past the disturbed audience, he stopped and turned to Elena, "Have a fun night together," He said smugly and just like that, he was gone.

**A/N: I don't usually write Delena fanfic and this is my first try. Reviews are greatly appreciated.**


	2. Transition

"Elena! What were you _thinking_?!" Caroline yelled, running after Elena who had made her way downstairs. Caroline burst into the kitchen to find Elena furiously shoving a bag of popcorn into the microwave.

"That's just the thing, Car, I wasn't _thinking,_" Elena responded in a soft, yet angry tone. The popcorn began popping and Bonnie, Matt, and Jeremy finally caught up to Caroline.

"You and Damon," Caroline huffed, "That's just—just," She searched for the word, "WRONG!"

"You're very quick to judge!" Elena spat back, "I couldn't control it."

"You can control anything you want to control, Elena!" Caroline shouted, "Don't you see? He has this weird little hold over you! Are you drinking vervain?"

"Are you implying that Damon compelled me to make out with him?!" Elena was far beyond angry now.

"Nothing else makes sense!" Caroline exclaimed, "Think about Stefan," Caroline lowered her voice on her last statement.

"I do think about Stefan, Caroline," Elena said matter-of-factly, "But I also think about Damon. I can't explain it and I know it's not compulsion."

"Stefan is your epic love though, Damon is just…ew," Caroline turned to her friends, "Help out a little bit, guys?"

"Um…Caroline," Matt said in a hushed voice. He was scared to stand up to the blonde vampire in such a mood, "Maybe you are being a little quick on your judgment." Caroline glared at him with wide eyes.

"I agree, Car," Bonnie said more confidently than Matt.

"Look, I don't like it just as much as you, but that doesn't mean that we have to right to judge. We shouldn't let this ruin tonight," Jeremy said, shooting his sister a sympathetic smile. The oppositions to Caroline's position calmed her down a bit and she turned back to Elena.

"Okay," Caroline said, sucking in a deep breath before putting a smile on her face, "Let's not worry about it now, I really didn't mean to come across as mean; I am just trying to look out for you."

"I know, Car," Elena said with a little smile, "But I can look out for myself." Just then, the microwave buzzed, informing everyone in the room that the popcorn was ready. Elena grabbed the bag and walked past all of them to the living room, and they all followed.


	3. Surprises

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Vampire Diaries or the characters written about in this entire story...obviously. Enjoy!**

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Elena was curled in a ball in the corner of her couch, purposefully hogging the popcorn. Her friends were strewn about the room. In the background, the movie was playing but no one was watching it intently. The room burst into laughter at a story Jeremy told of being embarrassed during lunch hour at his school in Denver.

"…needless to say, that was the stupidest decision I've ever made," Jeremy finished his story and Elena giggled with her friends.

"At least it's not as stupid as making out with the wrong Salvatore," Caroline said jokingly, but the room quieted to an awkward silence and Elena rolled her eyes. The environment stayed that way for a moment before Bonnie cleared her throat.

"Well, I think it's time for some more popcorn!" She said, attempting to brighten the mood of the room. She jumped up and ran to the kitchen. Then, Elena's phone alerted her of a new text. She picked up to Blackberry and looked at the screen. It read:

_New message from Damon_

Elena's brow furrowed as she clicked the 'view' button.

_How goes the evening, Miss Gilbert?_

Elena smiled down at the text in spite of herself. She quickly texted back:

_Oh, genuine fun. You know how much I love watching movies and getting shallow toss back, _

_hurtful comments from my friends._

She stared at the screen, hating how eager she was for his reply. When her phone buzzed again, she was quick to view the message.

_What movie?_

Elena rolled her eyes at his incessant lack of caring, but she also smiled at the simplicity of his thoughts.

"Who's that?" Caroline asked suspiciously. Elena slowly drew her eyes up from her phone to look at Caroline.

"Huh?" Elena asked.

"Who are you texting?" Caroline clarified. Elena looked back down to her phone and mumbled her response.

"Damon," Elena heard Caroline scoff and ignored her haughtiness.

_The Rules of Attraction._

Elena responded to Damon. Her phone lit up in almost immediate response:

_ Oh, yeah, I remember filming that._

Elena gaped openly and looked at the screen. She jumped down from the couch and got closer to the television.

"Hey Elena! You're eclipsing me!" Matt said playfully.

"That's Damon!" Elena said, pointing to a character on the screen. Everyone gasped when they came to the realization that they were watching a movie with Damon in it.

_Well, Mr. Salvatore, you never cease to surprise me._

Elena sent her response to Damon and instantly regretted the message. She was just egging him on, and that could only end poorly.

"Ugh," Elena said, face-palming herself.

"What?" Caroline asked, worry filling her voice. When Elena didn't respond, she pushed further, "Elena…What?!"

Elena's phone buzzed and she hesitated before viewing it this time.

_You like surprises, Gilbert? Go to your room, don't tell anyone. And delete these messages._

Elena was hesitant. She stared at her screen for a good minute before convincing herself to do something fun and rebellious once in a blue moon. She followed his instructions and erased all the messages. She rose and trudged up the stairs to her room.

"Where are you going?" Caroline called after her.

"To change into my pajamas and brush my teeth, I'll be back in like ten minutes," Elena said. The lie sent adrenaline pumping through her veins.

Finally, she entered the lion's den that was her room. Damon was lying on the bed, examining her stuffed bear while he waited for her. When she walked in, he tossed the bear to his side.

"What are you—?" Damon cut Elena off by speeding over to her and tapping his index finger against her lips. He drew his finger down and her lips parted as he did so. He then pointed at his ear, indicating that Caroline was eaves dropping. Elena nodded in understanding.

She watched with curiosity as he pulled out his phone. He sent a quick text and Elena heard her phone buzz downstairs. Next, he played 'Kiss Me' by Ed Sheeran using his phone.

"Had to get Vampire Barbie off the trail," Damon whispered, "I'm sure you've endured enough of her scolding for a lifetime."

"What are you doing here, Damon?" Elena whispered back. Damon smiled and took a step back and bowed deeply. Then, he put out his hand.

"May I have this dance?" He asked.

Elena did her best to hide the smile that wanted to sneak across her cheeks. One of her favorite things to do was dance with Damon; it always felt unpredictable. She cleared her throat and nodded consent. She put her hand in his and he pulled her gently to him. Elena raised her other hand and rested it over his heart; Damon wrapped his arm around her waist and began rocking back and forth to the music.

_And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck  
I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet  
And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now_

The two swayed to the rhythm, and Elena began feeling drowsy. She rested her head against his shoulder. Damon smiled lightly and kissed the top of her head. He pulled her a little tighter to him, making her feel comfortable and safe.

_Yeah I've been feeling everything  
From hate to love  
From love to lust  
From lust to truth  
I guess that's how I know you  
So I hold you close to help you give it up_

Elena tried to ignore the lyrics of the song, but somewhere deep within her, they resonated with exactly how she felt about Damon. Things began to crystalize, and her feelings became more obvious to her. She lifted her head to look into Damon's eyes. Their lips were only an inch apart. No matter how hard Elena tried, she couldn't stop staring at his lips. The chorus sounded:

_Kiss me like you wanna be loved  
You wanna be loved  
You wanna be loved  
This feels like falling in love  
Falling in love  
We're falling in love._

As the song came to an end, Elena tilted her chin up a bit, steadily closing the distance between their lips. Yet, before they could kiss a voice sounded from downstairs saying the one thing that Damon and Elena secretly dreaded.

"Stefan!" Caroline said, bubbling over with excitement, "I'm so glad you made it!"

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**A/N: I'll probably have the next chapter up in a bit. Reviews are greatly appreciated! :D**


	4. Staring is Rude

**A/N: Sorry about how long it took to post this chapter. I'll post the next one quicker. Reviews are always appreciated. Enjoy!**

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"Stefan?!" Elena gasped and pushed away from Damon, who was obviously very disappointed. She quickly grabbed her pajamas and ran into the bathroom; she emerged in plaid shorts and a solid blue t-shirt.

"Best legs in Virginia," Damon said, checking Elena out from head to toe. Elena threw open the door to her room and stepped out onto the landing. She turned back to Damon with an exasperated look on her face.

"_Leave._" She demanded. She ran her fingers through her hair a couple times before descending the stairs. At the door stood Stefan, he looked up at her and gave her his usual, friendly, admiring smile. Elena returned it.

"I hope I'm not intruding," Stefan said politely.

"Of course not," Elena said, stopping to give him a quick hug, "Please, sit—," Elena stopped her sentence at the sound of a second pair of footsteps on the stairs. She let out an annoyed sigh and turned to find the smug face of Damon.

"Damon?" Stefan asked with suspicious curiosity, "What are you doing here?"

"Don't mind me, little brother," Damon said with a smile, "I was just with Elena in her room—."

"Talking," Elena cut in before Damon could say anything dangerous.

"I…see," Stefan said skeptically before Caroline cut in.

"Well, let's finish this movie, shall we?!" It was obvious that she was ready to break the tension in the room. Damon took this as an invitation; he jumped on the couch and spread his body over the entirety of it. He grabbed the remote and pressed the play button. Stefan walked in more conservatively and sat on a large arm chair in the corner.

Before Elena could follow, Caroline grabbed her arm and pulled her off to the kitchen, Bonnie followed. Caroline tossed another bag of popcorn in the microwave and turned to Elena with scorn.

"Elena!" She whispered angrily.

"What?! Nothing happened, he was just in my room and—," Elena began, but Caroline cut her off.

"That's not what I'm talking about…" She said.

"This love triangle between you, Damon, and Stefan is ruining everyone's fun," Bonnie said in a more polite way than Caroline would have. Elena looked down shyly.

"I know, but I can't bring myself to choose. If I choose one, I lose the other." Elena admitted.

"You will have to make a decision," Bonnie said, "Eventually."

"You're just postponing the inevitable, Elena," Caroline agreed.

"I know," Elena said again, she ran a hand through her hair and pursed her lips, "But there's nothing I can do about it tonight. Just look—don't worry, the Salvatores' can play nicely when need be, nothing will ruin this evening." With those final, reassuring words she went back to the living room.

When Elena walked in, Matt and Jeremy had moved around a bit, but the Salvatore brothers' were in the exact same positions as when she left, frozen like stone. When Elena entered, Damon and Stefan both turned to look at her. There was nowhere for her to sit…_nowhere expect for the couch_, Elena thought begrudgingly.

"Move over," Elena said, walking up to Damon.

"Make me," Damon said flirtatiously. Elena eyed him for a second and despite the presence of Stefan, she shrugged and sat on his legs. "Elena, I'm a vampire, you'll have to do a little better than that."

"Oh yeah?" Elena teased, "I've got some vervain to ward you off if you'd prefer I'd do that."

"I'm so scared," Damon joked, "Please don't hurt me, Buffy!" Damon lifted his body up and grasped her around the waist. Elena pried his fingers off and jumped to the part of the couch that he left open. She shot him a proud smile as she hunkered down and got comfortable. Damon sat next to her.

About ten minutes later, Elena began shivering and twitching, clutching her knees close to her chest.

"Elena, are you okay?" Stefan asked, walking over and sitting next to her, worry painting his features.

"Yeah," She said with a smile, "It's just cold. I don't know what I was thinking wearing shorts in October."

"I could warm you up," Damon said, raising his eyebrows suggestively at her, "That is, of course, if you can handle it."

"Let's get you a blanket," Stefan countered, shooting his brother an annoyed look. Damon narrowed his eyes in response.

"Yes, thank you, Stefan," Elena said blatantly disregarding Damon's statement, but she could not deny that the thought of such actions with Damon did warm her up a bit, "I'll get it." She got up and walked to the wicker basket in the corner that held the blankets. She pulled out a large green fleece one and went back to the couch. She sat down on the couch and draped the blanket over herself. Damon grabbed the corner of the blanket and threw it over his lap.

"What are you doing?" Elena asked.

"I'm cold, Elena, you could share some," Damon said. Elena rolled her eyes, seeing straight through his lie.

* * *

As the evening proceeded, Damon and Stefan got steadily closer to Elena, putting her in a Salvatore sandwich by the end of the movie.

"What next?" Caroline asked.

"How about a horror movie?" Jeremy recommended.

"Sounds good!" Caroline responded as she put on _Scream 4. _Elena jumped at the jump-scare opening and buried her head in her arms for a moment before sneaking her eyes back up, but instead of looking at the screen, she found herself looking at Damon. He was smiling at the movie, obviously finding the horror aspect of it funny.

"You know, staring's rude," Damon said without even looking at her.

"I—I wasn't—I was just—," Elena stumbled over an excuse, embarrassed that she'd been caught. She turned her head away quickly.

"I—I wasn't—I'm sorry, you're just so hot, Damon," Damon imitated Elena. She turned back quickly and slapped his chest. He grabbed her hand as it lingered momentarily on his chest and she glanced up to meet his eyes.

"Mmm," Stefan cleared his throat behind Elena. At the sound, she yanked her hand back and resumed her earlier position resting in between the Salvatores'.

_This is going to be a long night,_ Elena thought.


	5. Not Here Not Now

The night progressed and people began falling asleep. Eventually, the only people awake were Damon, Elena, and Matt, but Matt was near the edge of sleep; his eyelids were heavy as he laid spread out on the floor. Bonnie and Caroline were wrapped up together on a large armchair with a quilt hanging over their bodies. Stefan was still on the couch next to them, slouched over with his head on chest.

Elena sighed as thoughts of Damon forced their way into her mind. She imagined holding his hand, kissing him, him laying her down—_no, _Elena thought, quickly pushing the impurity out of her mind, but it was almost as though Damon heard her thoughts.

Damon's hand snuck its way to her bare knee. Her heartbeat spiked and she took in a couple shallow breaths at the feeling of his touch. Damon noticed the change in her behavior and smiled. He figured he'd give her a little test so he pulled back his hand, but before he could fully remove it, she grabbed it and placed it back on her knee. Damon stroked her leg a few times and Elena sucked in deep breaths in an attempt to keep her cool.

Yet, as Damon ran his hand up the entirety of her thigh and wrapped his arm around her waist, she couldn't contain it anymore. She loved the way it felt to be held, to be touched by him. She turned her body and snuggled up to him, resting her head against his chest in surrender. He pulled her close and wrapped both arms around her.

"Damon?" Elena whispered gripping lightly at his shirt.

"Yes, Elena?"

"What do you want?" Elena asked. She instantly knew the question was stupid, but she needed to ask it anyway.

"You," Damon responded, but then he said something that she didn't expect, "to be happy. I want you to be happy, Elena." She planted her lips in a straight line and closed her eyes.

"Me too," She responded after a little while.

"But I'm selfish," Damon said matter-of-factly, stroking her hair a couple times, "So, I want you to find happiness in me." Elena sighed against his chest.

"Damon…" Elena sounded as though she were about to reject him again.

"I know—I know," Damon said before she could say anymore.

"No, Damon, you don't know," Elena said. She pulled back and sat up to look him in the eyes, "You don't know anything."

"Then by all means, Elena, enlighten me," Damon said in his typical sarcastic tone.

"I care about you, Damon," Elena said with sincerity. She took his hand in her own, "I care about you way more than I should, but I also care about Stefan."

"I know, baby brother always gets the girl," Damon scoffed.

"You don't _listen_, Damon!" Elena exclaimed in a harsh whisper, Damon shut up and looked at her with curiosity, "Just because I care about you both doesn't mean I'm any better with him as I am with you. It's different with you than it is with him."

"How?"

"With him it's…" Elena searched for the word, "Safe…pure." Damon stroked her hand with his thumb a couple times and Elena sucked in a deep breath, "But with you—with you it's consuming."

"Consuming?" Damon asked remembering when he and Elena first met, the real time that they first met: '_You want a love that consumes you. You want passion and adventure, and even a little danger.'_

"Consuming and—," Elena began, but Damon interrupted.

"Passionate?" Damon asked, entwining his fingers with hers, "Adventurous?"

"Yes," Elena whispered. Once again, she lost control of her body, she learned forward until their foreheads were touching.

"Dangerous…?" Damon asked in a strained whisper. It took everything in him to hold back from closing the distance between their lips and taking her right then and there.

"More than you know," Elena responded before leaning forward and capturing his lips in a short, yet sweet kiss. She pulled back and opened her eyes. Damon's eyes were still closed and Elena smiled, "I'm happy right now," She said.

Damon smiled lightly and put his hands on her neck, but his smile was quickly swept away.

"And what about when the sun rises?" Damon didn't want to ask, but it was something he needed to know. Unfortunately, Elena didn't have an answer for him, so instead she responded by closing the gap between their lips again.

The two suck in deep breaths as they readjusted. With their lips still glued together, Elena got on Damon's lap and he placed his hands on her waist. She began unbuttoning his shirt in a lustful frenzy. When she got it open she ran her fingers up and down his torso. To Damon it felt like she was leaving a trail of fire with her touch. He couldn't take it; he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her as close to him as physically possible.

The heat of the moment was too much, Elena pulled back and Damon looked up at her. She met his eyes with guilt painting her features.

"We can't do this," She said, "Not here, not now, not right next to…" She looked towards Stefan.

"So, let's go upstairs," Damon said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"No," Elena insisted. After a moment of thought, Damon nodded in hesitant agreement; Elena had him wrapped around her finger; he wouldn't do anything she didn't want him to do.

He unwrapped his arms, freeing her to move. She sat back down next to him and curled up under his arm. She put her hand on the bare skin of his stomach that peeked through his open shirt. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath against his chest, letting his smell overwhelm and comfort her. Damon stroked her shoulder with his thumb a couple times and kissed the top of her head. She fell asleep quickly.

Damon sat there for a few moments, listening to the love of his life breathe evenly in her sleep. Then, it occurred to him that she never answered his question: what about when the sun rises? He sighed, upset that he let himself get too consumed in their kisses to push her for an answer.

"I love you, Elena," Damon whispered against her hair, pulling the blanket tighter around the two of them. Elena stirred and draped her leg over his legs. She mumbled something in her sleep and Damon's eyes widened as he made out what she said:

"I love you, Damon."

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**A/N: I might post a "Day After" chapter, but it depends. What do you think?**


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